a little comparison

My mind pulled the brakes on life yesterday. And there is only one way to explain the feeling.

When i was 10/11 and still in elementary school, my mum asked me to come with her to a shop in the next city. I could use my sisters bike, one with gears. I wasn't used to cycling, so i got tired and had trouble keeping up at the end of the hour ride. But after spending some time in the shop, i was refreshed.
We headed home with the wind in our face, and i couldn't keep up with my mum. I told her the cycling was heavy, she said i shouldn't complain, being tired and a bit of wind wasn't a reason to go that slow. I was just asking for attention. After 15 minutes in which i did my very best to keep up (the last 5minutes crying). Though she was skeptic, she offered to change bicycles.
She found out i wasn't exaggerating, there was something wrong with the bike. Which made riding it extremely heavy.

That's how i feel right now.
Like trying my very best, to keep up with other peoples standards. Knowing there is something wrong with my verhicle. But no one wants to listen.

I know you all have the best intentions, but please just let me be. I will get there, my own way, my own pace.
Thank you

The causes of STRESS

Hello, and sorry, for not updating on the pagan blog project.
I will start joining from this point in time. (2nd D?)
I just had some personal issues, and exams.

First my exams, i ruined them and will have to retake almost all in summer.
Second. Four years ago, i had a friend with benefits, i cheated. He wished to never see me again.
I started waking up from dreams with him in it. Sometimes leaving me crying for days. For the past 3 months.
After which i wanted to go and visit him to tell him i'm sorry, but instead i send him a message (like many before) this time i got a reply. He forgives me :) I feel way better now.
Though i still need to work on my behaviour which caused this. It is a habit, and it's though replacing it by something better.

a fitting song.

it's hard to talk
to say what's deep inside
it's hard to tell the truth
when you've always lied

it's from the song how do you love someone.

It resembles the main problem i am facing right now. Mostly being honest to myself, but also not to pretend i'm someone else towards others. It doesn't feel right to live up to the 'image'. I just want to be loved for who i am inside, but therefor i need to express that.

Mijn eerste week in Gent.

Het bevalt hier prima, komend weekend verhuizen, waarschijnlijk, mijn ouders maken er liever een dagje van.

Bijna zit de eerste schoolweek er weer op, er wordt mij dagelijks gevraagt of ik wel versta wat mensen zeggen. En dat is geen enkel probleem, wat wel vervelend is is dat mensen mij zeker 5maal daags vragen mij te herhalen en dan vaak nog niet begrijpen wat ik wil zeggen. >.<

Mis mijn camera, om mijn eerste indrukken vast te leggen.

Pauze

Ik ga studeren in Belgie en neem hierom even een pauze van Elsjefiederelsje.
Natuurlijk blijf ik gewoon leuke dingen maken, maar die zijn enkel nog te koop via beurzen, voorlopig niet via mijn website.

Misschien dat ik op de midwinterfair sta, maar ik ga eerst eens kijken hoe zwaar mijn studie is.